Sounds odd, doesn’t it? Of course, we love ourselves, even if sometimes some people might think they hate themselves, deep inside it’s not true. I don’t believe it. You still wake up every morning and do at least something that makes yourself happy and joyful. That is like the worst-case scenario.
Most of the time, I am sure we do love ourselves, but how many times we say that and register this thought in our head when it comes from the soul? When was the last time you told yourself “I love you” the way you tell that to your family member or your partner, kid, husband, wife? I almost never do that. I usually say “I like you” or “You did good” or “Great job” but never “Oh my god, just feel now how much I love you”.
I’ve been to Leeds this week and attended an amazing dance empowerment intensive. We had a movement meditation which was focused on releasing the stress and negativity about ourselves. One part of it was – sending love to yourself and looking in your own eyes in the mirror for quite a while and say ” I love you, I accept you”. If it would be in the any other ordinary day I’d just spend on that 1 minute and then would have thought that it was easy and…come on, not that special. But this time it was build-up for a long time and a lot of time was dedicated to getting to that state of mind when you are transparent and opened and you can see your soul. Sounds weird and trippy, but that’s what we felt.
So the moment I faced the mirror and opened my eyes – I burst into tears. I am not sure yet why it is so painful and why it makes me cry so much. It felt like I wasn’t loved for YEARS! Which is not true, but maybe I wasn’t loved by myself for quite a while. I know for sure I did underestimate myself for a long time and I feel like the appreciation I shared to myself wasn’t enough. For some reason looking to myself and saying all that in the current state of mind brought me to childhood and very unexpectedly I thought:
Look who you’ve become! I want to be like you! I am proud of you! You’ve been through so much and you are insanely strong! Let me give you a hug and tell you that you are brave, individual, a fighter and achiever, believer and such a wonderful person who deserved all that!
The appreciation I felt for myself …. I can’t describe it. And I know that I beat myself up sometimes but I still know I love myself! Now I feel it so much more. No one can ever tell you how to feel about yourself. You need to build it up. Just simply to be in harmony with your inner you and stay happy 😉
When someone tells you – “I know you better than anyone else” – don’t be so sure about that, because no one knows you better than yourself!
The trick and my goal now is to keep this feeling fresh and always remember how I felt during this practice. Try to open up for yourself 100%, peel off all the masks you have (we all have them even in front of ourselves). I am still not sure where that reaction comes from, but I’m on my way to find out.
OPEN UP THE REAL YOU. LOVE HIM/HER. FOR REAL. YOU DESERVE IT.