I build too many expectations for myself and it doesn’t work well ..
Yup. Self-talk is a powerful thing. And when we build expectations around our life every day. Some of us call it goals, or dreams, some of us don’t even realize they have those expectations and when they get upset and frustrated, it’s hard to detect the actual reason. Well, the second option is me. It took me such a long time to search frantically for a reason for my frustrations about my goals.
Let’s get into some details, shall we? We grow up with the set of values and understanding what’s good and what’s bad. I grew up with the clear “reality” (for me at that point) that I need to be the best, achieve more than everyone else around me and it’s bad to stop, otherwise, you are no one and pretty much you wasted your time existing on this planet. I’m 28 now and it’s funny, but now it’s the time when I’m breaking these beliefs and I thought it would be easy because you should be able to control your emotions and beliefs by now but they don’t want to give up so fast. I built expectations of myself that hard to change but things are moving. Slowly but surely. Having these expectations doesn’t help me to be healthy and make my way to my success easy, so why should I stick with it?? Of course, solely decreasing your expectations ensures that you will never reach your full potential. But it’s not about doing it one way. Adapt to the truth about your potential and values. ⠀
Social media doesn’t help with this at all along this way, but it does challenge in a way to make your mind stronger. Or it will break you completely on the other hand. It’s a long way. And if you do understand that there are some things that you believe you should have or should do that don’t fit in your reality and your “inner ecology”, stop..evaluate everything and maybe it’s time to leave them behind and build new ones which will TRULY make your life better.
It seems like working on it makes things a bit easier and better. For now, I am doing these steps to help myself get out of that circle of too many expectations:
- write down what I am grateful for pretty much every day (more or less, but often forget..)
- reality check. It is a work in progress, I realise that most of the time I am focused on routine rather than how I feel. I push and keep going nonstop, not seeing small achievements and details.
- switch from self-judging to self-appreciation.
- Lower expectations, BUT in terms of the timeline I expect them to be achieved. Let’s say, I want us to have the house in 3 months, but I need to work on slowing myself down and expect that 6 and even 12 months it’s also okay. No rush.
- I am 29, not 99. Quite often I say to myself ” I am 29 and look what I don’t have!!” instead of “I am 29 and look what I’ve got so far!!”. It’s like the time is pressure as well because we expect to be somewhere by a certain age.
What are your ways to decrease the pressure of self-expectations on yourself?